js  Exchani(ed. 


Price,   15  cents. 


^^i 

ACER'S  UNIVERSAL  STAGE.                    No.  44^ 

) 

I'TJDDGEBIAPPEAEANCES; 

1 

^^K^                 iV  itfat'ce  in  i^ne  j^ct. 

1 

^B          i?7/    J".    JI/.    MORTON.                                 * 

1 

^B,                        o^3'^gCQ^o- 

i 

^                            Boston: 

■ 

CHARLES    H.    SPENCER. 

m 

w                              203  Washington  Street. 

Vo.  47,  East  Lynne, 
Vo.  48,  7"/^^  Hidden 
Vo.  i^o.  Dora,  a  Drai, 


in  Five  Acts,     _. 
Drama  in  Five^^^, 


2lLi:£e  Acts. 


15  ^<?;?/J. 
15  cents. 
T  c  cents. 


SPENCER'S  UNIVERSAL  STAGE; 

A  Collection  of  Co7nedies,  Dramas,  and  Farces,  adapted  to  either 
Public  or  Private  Performance.  C/ontaining  a  full  description  of  all  the 
necessary  Stage  Business.  (No  I'lay.-i  exchanged.) 

I»rxce    15    Centsii    JEach. 


No.  1.  r,OST  I'X  Ij01XI>o:S.  a  Drama 
in  Three  Acts,  (i  Male,  4  Female 
cliaracter.". 

"  2.  1VICHOI.AS  FI..4lM.  A  Come- 
dy lu  Two  Acts.  By.I.B.  Buck- 
stone.    5  Male,  -i  Female  char. 

"  3.  THE  ^VKLSH  GIRL.  ^V^om- 
edy  in  One  Act.  15y  Mrs.  I'lanclie. 
3  Male,  2  Female  char. 

"  4.  JOH\'  U'OPPS.  A  Farce  in 
Ouc  Act.  By  AT.  E.  Suter.  4 
Male,  :i  Female  char. 

"  5.  THE  TURKISH  BATH.  A 
Farce  in  One  Act.  By  Montague 
Ayilliiinis  and  F.  C.  llurnand.  (1 
Male,  1  Female  char. 

"  G.  THE  TWO  PUDDIFOOTS. 
A  Fiiree  in  One  Act.  Jiy  J.  31. 
Morton.    3  Male,  3  Female  char. 

"  7.  OI.,I>  HOiVESTY.  A  Comic 
iJrama  in  T«'o  Acts.  Uy  J,  31. 
Morton.    5  JIale,  2  Female  char. 

"  8.  TWO  GEA'TtEMEiV  IIV  A 
FIX.  A  Farce  in  One  Act.  By 
\V.  K.  Suter.    2  Male  char. 

"  9.  SMASHliVGTO:;V  GOIT.  A 
Farce  in  One  Act.  .  By  T.  J.  Wil- 
liams.   5  3Iale,  3  Female  char. 

"  10.   TWO       HEADS       BETTER 

THAIV    OA'E.     A  Farce  in  One 
Act.    J5y  I.enox  Home.    4  Male, 

1  Female  char. 

"  11.  JOHIV  l>OBBS.  A  Farce  in  One 
Act.    By  J.  31.  Morton.    5  Slale, 

2  Female  char. 

"  12.   THE  DAUGHTER  OF  THE 

REGIME^TT.      A    Drama    in 

Tvvo  Acts.    By  Edward  Fitzball. 

6  Male,  2  Female  char. 
"  13.  AU:VT     CHARX^OTTE'S 

MAID.     A   Farce   in   One  Act. 

By  J.  31.  3Iorton.    3  Male,  3  Ke 

male  char. 
"  14.   BROTHER  BILI.  AlVD  ME. 

A  Farce  in  One  Act.    By  \V.  E. 

Suter.    4  Male,  3  Female  char. 
"  15.   DOKE     OIV     BOTH     SIDES. 

A   Farce  in  One  Act.     By  J.  31. 

3Iortou.    3  Male,  2  Female  char. 
"  10.   DUiVDUCKETTY'S  PIC^IIC. 

A   Farce  in   One   Act.     By  T.  .1. 

Williams.    0  31ale,  3  Female  ch. 


.ir.  I'VE    >tritte::v  to 

BROW.\E.  A  Farce  in  One 
Act.    By  T.  J.  Williams.  4  Male, 

3  Female  char. 

IS.  r.E>'DIJVG  A  HAIVD.  A  Farce 
in  One  Act.  By  G.  A.  A'Becke- 
ket.    3  3Iale,  2  'Female  char. 

la.    MY  PRECIOUS  BETSY.    A 

Farce    in    One    Act.     By   J.  31. 
31orton.    4  3Ialc,  4  Female  ch. 
•iO.  MY  TUR:V  jVEXT.     a  Farce 
in  One  .Vet.     By  T.  J.  Williams. 

4  3Iale,  3  Female  char. 

Jl.  IVIJXE  POIIVTS  OF  THE 
IiAW.  A  Comedy  in  One  Act. 
By  Tbm  Taylor.  4  3Iale,  3  Fe- 
male char. 

Ti.  THE  PHAJVTO.M  BREAK 
FilST.  A  Farce  in  One  Act. 
By  Charles  Selby.  3  ilale,  2  Fe- 
male char. 

23.  DA:XDEIiIO:^S       DODGES. 

A  Farce  in  One  Act.  By  T.  J. 
Williams.  4  Male,  2  Female 
cliar. 

24.  A  SLICE  OF  LUCK.    A  Farce 

in  One  Act.  By  J.  31.  3Iorton. 
4  3Iale,  2  Female  char. 

25.  ALWAYS    liVTE^fDED.      A 

Comedy  in  One  Act.  By  Horace 
Wigau.    3  Male,  3  Female  char. 

26.  A    BULL    IjV    A    CHi:VA 

SHOP.  A  Comedy  in  Two 
Acts.  By  Charles  3Iatthew8. 
0  Male,  4  Female  cliar. 

27.  AIVOTHEB  GLASS.  A  Drama 

in  one  .\ct.   By  Thomas  Morton. 
0  3Iale,  3  Female  char. 
2S.   BO^VLED    OUT.    A  Farce  in 
One  Act.    By  H.  T.  Craven.    4 
Male,  3  Female  char. 

29.  COUSIJV   TOM.    A  Comedietta 

in  One  Act.  By  George  Koberts. 
3  3Iale,  2  Female  char. 

30.  SARAH'S  YOUWG  MAIV.    A 

Farce  in  One  Act.  By  3V.  E. 
Suter.    3  3Iale,  3  Female  char. 

31.  HIT     HIM,     HE     lljm    IVO 

FRIEiVDS.  A  Farced  One 
Act.  By  E.  Yates  and  X.  H. 
Harrington,  7  Male,  3  Female 
char. 


CHARLES  H.SPENCER,  203  Washington  St.,  Boston, 


BPENCERS  UNIVEBSAL  STAGE      .        ,       .       NO.  LI. 


DON'T   JUDGE 


BY  APPEARANCES. 


A  FAECE  IN  ONE  ACT. 

% 


BT 

JOHN  MADDISON    MORTON. 


—•diOiOf)-' 


BOSTON: 

CHARLES    H.    SPENCER, 
203  Washington  Street. 


-*2^/ 


X30xa'"x>    jxrisoB    b-jt    ^A^ppsA.xiA.x^'ass. 


CHARACTERS. 

(Hoyal  Princess',  London,  1855.) 

Major  Pepper    /^/  '^f^;^ ....  Mr.  Cooper. 

Frank  Topham  .  ".     .     .  ' ....  Mr.  G.  Everett. 

John  PuJMP  (servant  to  Pepper)  .    .  Mr.  Meadows. 

DiANJir       >  nieces  to  f  Miss  Charlotte  LeClerq. 

Angelina  5  Major  Pepper.  i  Miss  Eglinton. 

COSTUMES. 

P^per.  — Morning  gown,  wliite  wig,  gray  trousers,  vest,  red 

slippers,  blaclc  liandkerchief. 
Frank.  —  Blue  frock  coat,  black  trousers,  cap  same  as  the  boys 

of  the  college  at  Paris. 
John.  —  Brown  livery,  stripe  vest,  drab  smalls,  gaiters. 
Diana. — Blue  cloth  jacket,  braided  blue  silk  skirt,  ankle  boots 

with  blue  silk  gaiter,  white  pearl  buttons,  small  straw  hat 

and  peacock's  feather. 
Angelina.  —  White  muslin. 


DON'T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES. 


o>»io 


ScKXE. — A  prettU II  furnished  sitting-room.  —  At  c.  a  large  door 
leading  to  a  garden  lohich  is  seen  beyond;  large  French  window, 
K.c. ;  doors,  R.  and  l.  ;  tables,  chairs,  sofa,  work-table,  etc.,  etc. 

Major  Pepper  seated  at  table  in  his  morning-gown ;  he  holds  an 
open  letter  in  one  hand,  and  a  small  bell  in  the  other,  which  he  is 
ringing  as  the  curtain  rise.t. 

Major.  {Beads.)  "  Paris,  Monday  morning.  Dear^ncle,  as 
Charles  and  I  are  thoroughly  tired  of  our  French  College  life,  we 
shall  gladly  present  ourselves  at  Pepper  Lodge  on  the  day  and 
at  the  hour  you  mention.  Your  affectionate  nephew,  Fratik  Top- 
ham."  This  is  the  day.  and  the  hour  named  was  nine  o'clock. 
{Looks  at  his  watch.)  Bless  me !  it  only  wants  a  quarter,  and  I 
haven't  said  a  word  to  the  girls  about  their  cousins'  arrival ;  and, 
what's  more,  I  don't  think  I  shall.  The  surprise  will  be  all  the 
more  agreeable ;  but  I  suppose  I  must  give  them  a  hint  as  to  the 
matrimonial  intontiou';  I  Imvo  in  view  for  them.  I  wonder  where 
the  deuce  tliey  are.  John  !  {Reads  letter,  then  rings  the  bell  again 
violently.)  John  —  John  Plump !  Confound  the  fellow !  Now  let 
me  be  cool ;  for  if  once  I  get  in  a  passion,  the  chances  are  I  shall 
lose  my  temper  —  I  always  do,  John  Plump !  {Hinging  again, 
Old  shouting  at  the  top  of  his  voice.) 

Enter  John,  sJo^^Ty,  at  door  l.h. 

John.   I  believe  you  called,  zur? 

Major.  Yes,  I  believe  I  did,  rather. 

Joiiii.   I  thought  I  heard  'e ! 

Major.  Indeed !    Then  why  didn't  you  come? 

John.   I  be  come! 

Major.  "  Be  come !  "  Hark'e,  you  know  yery  well  that  I'm 
naturally  of  a  mild  and  gentle  disposition. 

John.   No,  I  don't. 

Major.  Don't  you  ?  Then  how  is  it  I  did  not  kick  you  out  of 
the  house  twenty  years  ago  ? 

3 


4  don't  judom  by  appsarakcbs. 

John.  I  suppose  because  you  thought  I  should  kick  again, 
lie !  he ! 

Major.  O  lud !  O  lud !  my  poor  head  1 

John.  Yes,  zur,  doctor  says  whatever's  the  matter  with  us  is 
sure  to  fly  to  the  weakest  part.  I  uever  have  nothing  the  matter 
with  my  head. 

Major.  Thank  your  stars,  sir,  that  I'm  in  danger  of  being  laid 
up  with  the  gout, 

John.  I  do,  sir;  and  I  hope  and  trust  I  shall  have  cause  to  be 
thanlvful  for  a  l&ng  time  to  come. 

Major.  Ugh!  {Making  a  blow  at  John.)  Where  are  your 
young  ladies? 

John,   i?/// young  ladies? 

Major.   My  nieces,  idiot. 

John.  Ah,  sir,  there'll  be  something  dreadful  happen  one  of 
these  days  with  Miss  I)i. 

Major.   Miss  Di !     How  dare  you  call  her  Di? 

John.  That's  what  you  call  her,  zur. 

Major.  M\'  niece's  name,  sir,  is  Diana.  If  I  choose  to  call  her 
Di,  for  short,  that's  no  reason  you  should;  so,  for  the  future, 
never  sajr  Di ! 

John.  I  won't,  zur.  Well,  zur,  as  I  was  rolling  the  gravel 
walk  just  now  with  the  roller,  just  as  I  got  close  to  the.  big  lilac- 
tree,  I-felt  something  cold  against  the  side  of  my  head,  —  it  was 
the  muzzle  of  a  gun. 

Major.   A  gun ! 

John.  Yes,  zur,  a  gun ;  and  at  t'other  end  of  it  was  Miss  Di — 
ana! 

Major.   Ha !  ha !  ha ! 

John.  It  was  no  laughing  matter ;  s'pose  the  gun  had  gone 
oflf? 

Major.   Against  your  head  ?    It  wouldn't  have  hurt  you. 

John.   Perhaps  not ;  but  it  frouted  me. 
^  Major.    (Disgusted.)     Frouted  you! 

John.  Kes ;  and  so  I  took  to  my  heels,  and  Miss  Di — ana  sot 
np  a  "  Yoicks !  yoicks !  "  '•  Tally  ho !  "  after  me,  just  as  if  I'd  been 
a  fox  broke  cover. 

Major.   Ha!  ha!    Di  has  rather  a  highty-flighty  style  with  her. 

—  but  no  wonder;  she  was  spoiled  by  her  father,  flighting  Dick 
Pepper  of  the  thirty-third,  as  he  was  called.  He  allowed  her  her 
own  way  in  everything,  whereas,  her  sister,  Angelina —  {Bises 
and  advances.) 

John.   Ah,  there's  a  gentle  creature,  zur;  such  a  sweet  temper, 

—  she's  an  angel ! 

Major.  She  wsLS  her  mother's  pet.  Ah,  poor,  gentle  Mary!  I 
promised  to  take  care  of  your  girls,  and  I  will.  {Takes  out 
handkerchief,  and  wipes  his  eyes,  crossing  l.) 

John.  Ees,  zur,  we  will.     (  Wiping  his  eyes.) 


doit't  judge  by  appearances.  S 

Major.  What  the  devil  are  you  blubbering  and  making  a  fool 
of  yourself  for? 

John.   'Cause  you  be ! 

Major.   Have  you  told  my  nieces  I  wish  to  speak  to  them? 

John.  No,  zur.  I  was  a-going  to  tell  Miss  Di— ana,  only  she 
flouted  me ;  and  Miss  Angelina  —  here  she  be,  zur,  —  here  she 
be! 

Enter  Angelina,  c,  in  a  sober,  quiet,  morning-dress. 

Angel.   Good-raorning,  uncle!     (^Running  and  kissing  him.) 

Major.  Good-morniug,  my  dear!  And  pray,  where  have  you 
been,  eh? 

Angel.  Strolling  in  the  dewy  fields;  listening  to  the  carolling 
of  the  birds,  and  breathing  the  morning  air,  perfumed  with  the 
violet  and  the  cowslip. 

John.   (Aside.)   How  beautiful  she  do  talk! 

Major.  The  dewy  fields.!  very  pleasant,  no  doubt,  my  dear  $  but 
I  hope  you'd  got  your  American  overshoes  on. 

Angel.  Overshoes!  My  dear  uncle,  that  would  destroy  the 
poetry. 

Major.  Perhaps  it  would ;  but  they'd  keep  your  feet  dry. 

Angel.    Oh,  fie !  fie !  fle ! 

John.  Oh,  fle !  fle !  fle ! 
X     Major.  Hold  your  tongue,  sir !    Do  you  know  where  that  tom- 
boy of  a  sister  of  yours  is  ? 

Angel.  As  I  crossed  the  lawn,  just  now,  she  was  half  way  up 
the  tall  apple-tree. 

Major,   lla!  ha!  ha! 

John.   Ha!  ha!  ha! 

Major.  ( To  John.)  Go  and  desire  the  young  lady  to  come 
down  from  her  perch.     ;  j- 

John.  El'S,  zur.  (liitM  vp  toxoards  c. ;  a  report  of  a  gun  is 
heard.)     Help!  murder!     {Falls  on  tlie  sofa.) 

Major.   What  the  devil's  that? 

Diana.  {Without.)  Down,  Ponto!  Down,  good  dog!  (Ap- 
pears outside  the  loindow  at  r.c.  She  is  dressed  in  an  eccentric, 
half-mnsculine  shooting  costume,  and  Jias  a  double-barrelled  gun.) 
How  do,  uncle?    Quite  well,  uncle? 

Major,    (r.)     Hark'e,  Miss  Di — 

Diana.  (ISuddenVj.)  O  uncle,  here's  such  a  flock  of  pigeons 
flying  over  here!  are  they  yours? 

•    Major.   No,  no.     They  belong  to  my  neighbor,  the  coloneL 
He's  very  particular  about  his  pigeons. 

Diana.   Look  out !     (Fires  in  the  air,  —  a  pigeon  falls.) 

John.   Help !  murder!     (Burying  his  head  in  the  sofa-pillov}.) 

Major.  Oh,  my  poor  head !     (Sits.) 
1* 


6  DON*T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES. 

Diana  comes  on  c,  holding  the  pigeon. 

Diana.  Not  a  bad  shot,  uncle,  —  eh?  Here,  Johu!  John! 
(^Poking  Joiix  icith  the  muzzle  of  the  gun.) 

John.  {Baising  his  head,  and  finding  it  close  to  the  muzzle  of  the 
gun.)   Help!  murder! 

Diana.  Ha !  ha !  ha !  Here,  take  this  pigeon  to  the  cook,  and 
tell  her  to  devil  it  for  my  uncle's  breakfast.  D'ye  hear?  {Fling- 
ing the  pigeon  in  John's /ace,  as  he  raises  his  head.) 

John.   Hfilp!  murder!    {Taking  the  pigeon,  and  running  off.) 

Major.   Stop!  let  me  have  my  hot  water. 

Diana.  Yes,  let's  have  our  hot  water. 

Major.   And  my  shaving  tackle. 

Diana.   And  our  shaving  tackle.   Begone ! 

{Pointing  gun  at  John,  who  runs  roaring  out  at  door,  r.u.e.) 

Major.  Now,  young  ladies,  come  here.  I  have  something  to 
say  to  both  of  you. 

Angel.  Here  I  am,  dear  uncle.  {Brings  chair  from  r.h.  table 
to  L.H.) 

Major,  (l.h.)  Well,  Miss  Di  — did  you  hear  what  I  said, 
Miss  Di  ? 

Diana.  {Shouldering  her  gun  like  a  musket.)  Attention !  right 
shoulders  forward !  marcli !  halt !  present  arms !  shoulder  arms ! 
order  arms !  stand  at  ease !     (Diana  executes  the  above.) 

Major.  {Moves  chair  to  c.)  Ha!  ha!  capital !  What  a  madcap 
it  is !  but  now  be  serious.  Ahem !  my  dear  nieces,  I  have  a 
matter  of  the  utmost  importance  to  communicate  to  you. 

Diana.  Then  I  vote  we  postpone  the  business  in  question  till 
after  breakfast. 

Major.   Holloa!  holloa!  no  murmuring  in  the  ranks. 

Diana.  But  I'm  starving, — so  serve  out  the  rations.  I  de- 
mand my  rations. 

Major.   Silence,  I  say !  aud  sit  down. 

Diana.  {  Takes  her  seat  on  the  table  tcith  a  jump.)  Now,  gov- 
ernor, go  on.  {Examining  the  lock  of  her  gun,  and  dangling  her 
feet  to  and  fro.) 

Mahr.  Now  —  ahem!  the  first  thing  I  have  to  observe  is  — 
{Finding  the  muzzle  of  the  gun  in  a  direct  line  with  his  head.)  If 
it's  all  the  same  to  you,  I  should  feel  considerably  more  comfort- 
able if  the  muzzle  of  that  gun  was  pointed  in  any  other  direction 
than  tliat  of  my  head. 

Diana.  Lor',  governor,  it  isn't  loaded.  {Gets  off  table,  poking 
him  xolth  gnn.) 

Major.  No  matter, — keep  the  muzzle  from  njy  head.  Come 
here,  and  sit  down.  Now,  my  children,  listen  to  me.  (Diana 
takes  a  hno  stool,  and  sits  at  his  feet ;  takes  out  a  pocket-handker- 
chief, and  wipes  the  lock  of  her  gun.)  I  call  you  my  dear  children, 
because,  on  a  solemn  occasion  like  the  present  —  (  With  solem' 


DON  T  JUDGE  BY  APVEAnANCES.  7 

nit\j.  Diana  snaps  the  gun  —  starting.')  I  wish  you'd  put  that 
gun  down,  my  dear. 

Diana.   I  must  just  wipe  up  the  locks,  — they'd  get  rusty. 

Major.  Rusty !  {Attempting  to  assume  an  impressive  manner^ 
and  yet  keeping  an  eye  fixed  on  the  gun.)  I  have  summoned  you, 
my  dear  children,  to  tell  you  that  tlie  day  has  at  length  dawned, 
this  most  important  day —  important  to  you  —  important,  I  may 
say  to  —  {Here  Diana  snaps  gun  again.)  I  insist  upon  your  giv- 
ing me  that  gun. 

Diana.     Well,  but  uncle  — 

Major.  Give  me  that  gun,  I  say.     {Takes  gun  from  Idw^A..) 

Diana.  You  don't  suppose  I'd  ^  point  a  gun  at  your  head. 
There's  nothing  in  it. 

Major.   My  head? 

Diana.   No ! 

Major.  {Puts  it  down  in  comer  of  the  stage,  then  reseating 
himself.)  Now,  then.  {Taking  of  his  green  spectacles,  and  tak- 
ing a  pinch  of  snuff;  lays  his  spectacles  and  snuff-box  on  table.)  As 
I  was  about  to  observe  just  now,  I  have  an  important  communi- 
cation to  — 

Diana.   {  Who  has  taken  a  large  pinch  of  snuff.)    Atchi ! 

Major.   I  repeat,  an  important  —  I  may  say  a  solemn  — 

Diana.   Atchi !  —  how  nice !     I  do  love  a  good  sneeze. 

Major.   Have  you  quite  done? 

Diana.  {Trying to  sneeze,  and  not  being  able.)  Yes;  the  ftin's 
all  over;  so  go  on,  uncle.. 

Major.  The  day  has  at  length  dawned  —  {With  solemnity,  and 
raising  his  arm.) 

Diana.  I  should  think  so;  it's  past  eight  o'clock.  At  this  rate 
the  day'll  go  on  dawning  till  it's  time  to  go  to  bed.  Is  it  likely 
to  be  a  long  story,  uncle?  because,  as  breakfast  won't  be  ready 
for  half  an  hour,  I've  ordered  the  Cossack  to  be  saddled. 

Major.    You  shan't  ride  to-day ! 

Diana.   Shan't? 

Major.    Slian't ! 

'Diana.  Uncle  Sam,  can  you  look  me  in  the  face,  and  say  that 
naughty  word  "again? 

Major.  {Rising.)  lean  —  I  do!  {Looking  at  Dix^a,  lohoby 
this  tiyne  has  put  on  the  Ma.tor's  green  spectacles  from  off  the  table, 
and  looks  him  full  in  the  face ;  the  Major  tries  to  look  grave,  and 
then  bursts  out  laughing.)  Hafha!  lia!  there's  no  being  angry 
with  you,  Di ;  so  kiss  me,  you  rogue,  kiss  me.     {Kisses  Diana.) 

Diana.  {Bubbing  her  cheek.)  Lor',  Uncle  Sam,  you  haven't 
shaved  this  morning! 

Major.  Ha!  ha!  Now,  Di,  pray  be  quiet;  you'll  oblige  me  by 
not  interrupting  me  for  the  next  three  minutes. 

Diana.  Of  course  not.  Why  didn't  yon  say  so  before  ?  ( Taking 
up  the  snnff-hox,  and  turning  the  lid,  which  makes  a  violent  noise, 
a  la  Bobert  Macaire.) 


8  don't  judge  by  appearances. 

^        Major.  There !  there !  you're  beginning  again  as  nsnal.    O 
lud !  O  my  poor  head !     (^Box  noise  again.) 

Angel.   Sister,  sister,  how  can  yoii  inalce  such  a  noise? 
X  Major.   I'll  come  to  the  point  at  once.     (Diana    gives  box 

another  turn;  Major  snatches  it  out  of  her  hand,  and  pouting  it  in 
Ms  pocket  —  shouting.)     Silence  !     (  Walks  up  and  down  c.) 

Diana.  (As  loud  as  she  can  bawl.)  Silence!  {Taking  up  the 
inkstand,  and  knocking  on  the  table  with  it.)  Order !  order !  order ! 
An  honorable  member  is  about  to  address  the  house.  "  The  day 
has  at  length  dawned ! "    Go  on,  uuele. 

Angel.  Diana,  your  spirits  run  away  with  you.  Pray,  be  more 
circumspect.    Now,  dear  uncle. 

Major.  My  dear  girls,  you  are  now  eighteen  years  old,  each 
of you  — 

Diana.   Twins  generally  are  of  the  same  age. 

Major.   I  repeat,  you  are  each  of  you  eighteen  — 

Diana.   And  twice  eighteen  is  thirty-six. 

Major.  Exactly !  and  therefore  at  thirty-six  it  is  high  time  that 
a  young  girl  — 

Diana.    A  young  girl  at  thirty-six  !    Ila !  ha !  yon  mean  an  old 
maid. 
y        Major.    You  s&U\  eighteen  1 1  s&id  thirty-six  f    No,  J  said  —  'pon 
my  life,  I  don't  know  what  I  said.    Let  me  see,  where  did  I 
leave  off  ? 

Diana.   (Imitating  Major.)    "  The  day  has  at  length  dawned." 
\-         Major.   Pooh!  I  repeat  that  at  thirty-six  —  I  mean  eighteen, 
—  it's  high  time  that  girls  should  be  married. 

Diana.  Hear!  hear!  hear!  Oh,  this  is  what  the  day  has  been 
so  long  dawning  about,  — is  it? 

Major.   Come,  girls,  what  say  you  to  a  husband  apiece,  eh? 

Diana.   Only  one? 

Angel.  I'm  ready  to  obey  you  in  everything,  uncle,  particu- 
larly —  I  mean  especially  —  (Looking  down.) 

Major.  Exactly !  You're  a  sensible  girl,  Angelina,  and  you'll 
be  the  joy  and  comfort  of  your  husband,  as  you  have  been  of  m^ 
gray  hairs.  As  for  you,  Di,  I  suppose  you've  never  thought 
about  the  matter  at  all. 

Diana.   Oh,  haven't  I,  though? 

Major.  Hush,  madcap!  Angelina  is  ready  to  marry  any  young 
man  I  think  proper. 

Angel.   (Sighing.)     Heigho! 

Major.   What's  the  matter? 

Angel.   Nothing,  uncle. 

Major.  Well,  relying  on  your  obedience,  I  have  found  two 
very  charming  young  men  ready  to  sacrifice  themselves — I 
mean  dei^ote  themselves  —  to  your  happiness.  One  is  quiet,  dis- 
creet, and  steady  — 

Diana.  Rather  slow.    You  don't  mean  him  for  me,  I  hope? 


donW  judge  by  appearancbs.  9 

Major.  No.  I  have  too  much  consideration  for  him.  He  will 
be  Angelina's  husband;  the  other  — 

Diana.   Well? 

Major.  Is,  like  yourself,  Miss  Di,  wild  and  ungovernable  —  in 
short,  a  perfect  devil ! 

Diana.  Thank'e,  uncle.  Then  a  pretty  bobbery  there  will  be 
between  us.  But,  uncle,  there's  one  trifling  obstacle  to  your 
plan  of  the  campaign. 

Mrijor.   And  wliat's  that? 

Diana.  Simply  that  I  don't  intend  to  commit  matrimony  just 
at  present. 

Major.   And  pray,  why  not? 

Diana.  Because  no  young  woman  ought  to  take  a  husband  till 
she  has  sown  her  wild  oats. 

Major.  Hark'e,  Miss  Di;  a  husband  you  shall  have,  and  one 
of  my  providing.  Look  to  your  sweet  sister  there;  she'd  marry 
half-a-dozen  husbands,  if  I  thought  proper. 

Diana.  Ah !  that  might  tempt  me.     (Angelina  goes  vp.) 

Major.   Silence!  I  have  issued  my  commands. 

Diana.  Yes.    The  day  has  dawned  at  last  with  a  vengejmce  I 

Enter  John,  r.h.u.e.,  toith  a  large  jug  of  hot  water. 

John.  Here  be  yonr  hot  water,  zur.  Shall  I  take  it  to  your 
room,  znr? 

Major.   No.     Come  here;  put  the  jug  down. 

John.   Ees,  zur.     (About  to  set  it  down  on  the  carpet.) 

Major.  {Aftpr  looking  mystpriously  about  him,  in  an  undertone 
to  John.)     Where's  the  gardener? 

Major.  (Looking  viysteriously  about  him,  then  in  an  undertone 
to  Major.)     I  don't  know. 

Major.  Go  and  find  him. 

John.   Ecs,  zur.     (Going.) 

Major.  Stop !  tell  him  to  take  up  his  post  at  the  end  of  the 
avenue.     (Aside  to  John) 

John.  Ees,  zur.     (Going.) 

Major.  And  to  be  sure  and  stop  at  his  post,  and — (Whispers 
Jonx.) 

Diana.  (Aside  to  ANaRLiNA.)  I  wonder  what's  going  on  at 
head-quarters?     (Advancing  a  step.on  tiptoe,  and  trying  to  listen.) 

Major.   (Aloud.)     Now  you  thoroughly  understand  me,  John? 

John.  Ees,  zur.  (Aside.)  The  gardener  is  to  go  to  the  end 
of  the  avenue,  and  stand  on  a  post  till  he  sees  two  young 
gentlemen.     (Go  up  c) 

Major.  (  With  importance.)  Now,  young  ladies,  you'll  be  good 
enough  to  reflect  upon  the  communication  I  have  just  made, 
while  you  are  shaving  —  I  mean,  while  I  am  shaving.  As  for 
you.  Miss  Di,  if  you  don't  curb  that  rebellious  spirit  of  yours, 
the  chances  are  you'll  get  yourself  into  hot  water.    (Holding  out 


10  donW  judge  by  appearances. 

his  hand,  and  putting  his  fingers  in  the  jug.)  Confound  the  hot 
water!  (7b  John.)  Yoii  go  and  do  as  I  told  you.  (Goes  out 
with  jug,  L.H.) 

Diana.  Stop,  John !  (^Putting  herself  in  John's  way,  as  he  is 
going  out,  c.)     Halt! 

John.   Well,  but  Miss  Di — ana  — 

Diana.  What  was  our  respected  uncle  whispering  about  just 
now? 

John,    (c.)     I  mustn't  tell. 

Angel,  (imi.)  That's  right,  John ;  if  my  uncle  has  a  secret,  it 
would  be  wrong  in  you  to  tell  it. 

John.  Very  wrong,  indeed ;  but  you  mustn't  keep  me  waiting 
here,  or  I  shan't  be  in  time  for  the  two  young  gentlemen  as 
master's  expecting. 

Diana.  Two  young  gentlemen !  Ha!  ha!  then  that's  the  se- 
cret, eh? 

John.  (  With  a  long  whistle.)  I've  let  it  out !  Oh,  dear !  You 
won't  tell  master?    {Blubbering.) 

Diaiia.  On  one  condition  I'll  hold  my  tongue,  —  that  you  saddle 
Cossi^lc  for  me  directly. 

John.   I'm  oflf !     {Buns  out  at  c,  at  the  top  of  his  speed.) 

Angel.  O  sister,  sister,  isn't  this  very  shocking?  Who  can 
these  dreadful  men  be? 

Diana.  I  don't  know,  unless  it's  the  parish  apothecary  and 
the  village  schoolmaster.  If  so,  I'll  have  the  apothecary,  — he's 
a  little  man,  so  I  shall  be  able  to  thump  him. 

Angel.  Ah,  Diana,  you  can  afford  to  laugh  at  these  things, 
but  I  —  heigho !     {Sighs.) 

Diana,.  May  I  Inquire  the  meaning  of  that  "  heigho  "?  {Imi- 
tating.) 

Angel.  Can't  you  guess  ?     {Looking  down.) 

Diana.  {Suddenly.)  You  mean  to  say  you've  got  a  sweetheart 
already  ? 

Angel.   I  —  think  I  have,  or  something  very  like  it. 

Diana.  Oh,  what  fun!  {Clapping  her  hands.)  And,  pray, 
who  is  this  Mr.  •'  something  very  like  it "  ? 

Angel.  Don't  you  remember  our  cousins,  Frank  and  Charles 
Topham  ? 

Diana.  Of  course  I  do.  Charley  was  a  regular  chum  of  mine, 
—  ho  wanted  to  teach  me  to  smoke ! 

Angel.   {Enthusinstically.)    And  I  perf(!ctly  doated  on  Frank  I 

Diana.  But  that's  five  years  ago;  we  were  children  then,  — 
mere  babbies ! 

Angel.  {Sighing.)  True.  And  as  I  have  never  seen  or  heard 
fVora  Frank  since  he  went  to  the  college  at  Paris,  I  suppose  he 
has  forgotten  me. 

Diana.  But  that's  no  reason  we  should  marry  the  first  man 
who  asks  us.    I  shan't ! 

Angel.  Well,  I  suppose  I  must  obey  my  good  old  uncle ;  but 


DON^T  JUPOE  BY  APPEARANCES.  11 

few  girls  have  my  meekness  of  disposition,  —  few  would  marry 
a  man  they  Iiad  never  seen.  O  Frank,  it's  a  terrible  business, 
but  —  {Sobbing)  in  tlie  mean  time,  I  may  as  well  go  and  make 
myself  as  captivating  as  I  possibly  can.  Exit,  sobbing,  r. 

Diana.  John!     {Shouting.) 

Enter  John,  running  and  carrying  a  small  lohip,  c. 

John.   Cossack  be  saddled.  Miss  Di — ana. 

Diana.  {Taking  whip.)  Thank'e  John,  —  I'll  such  a  gallop. 
Here's  for  your  pains.  {Gives  him  two  or  three  lashes,  and  runs 
off,  c.  and  L.) 

Frank.  {  Without,  u.h.u.e.)  Not  a  creature  to  be  seen !  What 
does  it  all  mean  ? 

Enters  at  c,  and  seeing  John,  toho  is  rubbing  his  shoulder. 

Oh,  here's  something  alive  at  last,  and  a  lively  article  he  looks. 
{Giving  John  a  violent  slap  on  the  back.)    Holloa,  friend  ! 

John.  {With  a  start.)  I  say,  young  fellew,  you  sliouldn't  walk 
into  a  house  without  giving  a  body  notice.  {Rubbing  his 
shoulder.) 

Frank.  Oh,  I  didn't  knock  hard  enough,  eh !  Then  here  goes 
again.     {Giving  John  another  slap  on  the  shoulder.) 

John.  What  are  you  ?  Are  you  one  of  the  foreign  legion,  or  a 
fireman  ? 

Frank.   Where's  your  master? 

John.   Lathering  himself. 

Frank.   Oli!  shaving,  eh? 

John.  Well,  I  don't  know  what  you  do,  zur,  but  master  lathers 
first  and  shaves  afterwards. 

Frank.  Give  him  this.     {Giving  Jon^  a  card.) 

John.   Ees,  zur. 

Frank.   And  tell  him  I'm  here. 

John.   Ees. 

FVank.   You've  heard  the  name  before,  eh  ? 

John.   I  can't  say,  zur,  till  I  hear  it  again. 

Frank.   You  cm  read,  I  suppose? 

John.     Well,  I  don't  see  wliy  I  shouldn't,  but  I  never  tried. 

Frank.   I  siiould  very  much  like  to  see  Miss  Diana. 

John.   Woll,  zur,  I'm  sure  I  don't  preveflt  you. 

Frank.  Where  is  she?  She's  not  lathering  herself,  I  presume? 

John.  'So,  znr.  {Aside.)  She  always  lathers  me.  {Aloud  and 
suddenly.)  Oh,  I  see;  you  be  the  young  gentleman  as  is  come  a 
sweethearting  to  Miss  Di !  Ah,  zur,  you  be  a  lucky  chap  —  you 
be. 

Frank.     She's  a  charming  creature,  eh? 

John.  I  believe'e,  zur  —  I  give  you  joy;  I  do,  indeed,  zar. 
{In  a  jeering  tone  —  aside.)  I  wouldn't  be  in  his  boots  for  a  trifle. 


12  don't  judge  by  appearances. 

Frank.  (Aside.)  I  do  believe  the  fellow's  quizzing  me. 
{Aloud.)    Announce  me  to  your  master.     {Angrily.) 

John.  Ees,  zur.  How  happy  you  will  be,  to  be  sure !  (Aside.) 
If  they  don't  come  to  tisticuffs  before  the  honeymoon's  out,  I'm 
a  Dutchman ! 

Frank.  Zounds!  are  you  going?  (Threatening  John  with 
his  whip.) 

John.    Ees,  zur  —  so  mild  —  so  gentle !     (Buns  off,  l.h.) 

Frank.  What  the  deuce  was  that  fellow  grinning  about,  I 
wonder?  It's  just  Ave  years  since  I  have  seen  either  of  my 
cousins.  Angelica  was  rather  my  favorite  •  playfellow  of  the 
two ;  but  as  Uncle  Pepper  wishes  me  to  marry  Diana,  I  suppose  I 
wust;  especially  as  she  seems  to  be  so  remarkably  amiable. 

Major.     (  Without.)     Where  is  he  ?     Where's  the  dear  boy  ? 

Major  enters,  hurriedly,  l.h. 

Major.  Oh,  there  he  is !  Frank,  my  boy,  come  to  my  arms. 
{Embrace.)    But  where's  your  brother, —  where's  Charley? 

Frank.  Why,  the  fact  is,  he  was  struck  by  the  venerable 
appearance  of  your  village  pump,  and  stopped  to  make  a  sketch 
of  it;  but  he'll  be  here  directly. 

Major.  Not  very  flattering  to  Angelina,  ha !  ha !  Let  me  look 
at  you.  A  very  fine  young  fellow,  indeed  !  Di  will  be  delighted 
Witii  you,  as  I  am.  I  say,  Frank  —  snch  a  charming  creature! 
You're  a  lucky  dog !  —  such  eyes  !  —  such  lips  ! 

Frank.  And  such  a  mild  and  gentle  disposition  —  eh,  uncle? 
(With  intention.) 

Major.  Yes!  yes!  (Aside.)  I  needn't  tell  him  what  a  little 
4evil  she  is;  he's  sure  to  find  it  out.  (Aloud.)  You're  all 
anxiety  to  see  her.  (  Poking  Frank  in  the  side.)  I'll  soon  have 
her  here.  Here,  Di!  Di! — hark!  I  hear  her  step.  (Seeing  the 
door  at  l.ii.  opening.)  Here  she  comes !  ( Without  looking  at 
John,  who  enters,  the  Major  takes  him  by  the  hand,  and  leads 
him  forward.)  Don't  be  shy,  my  dear  —  ha!  ha!  Tliere,  Frank, 
what  do  you  think  of  her,  eh?  Isn't  she  a  beauty?  (Seeing 
John.)     What  the  devil  are  you  doing  here? 

John.  That's  what  I  want  to  know.  You  brings  I  down  by 
the  hand,  and  calls  I  a  beauty. 

Major.     Get  out,  you  scoundrel !     (Furious.) 

Jiihn.     You're  at  it  again !     (Buns  out  at  c.) 

Major.  (Seeing  door  R.n.  open.)  Ah,  this  is  Angelina. 
(Meeting  her  and  bringing  her  down;  Angelina  hanging  back,  and 
keeping  her  eyes  fixed  on  the  ground.)  Come  along,  my  dear; 
here's  a  gentleman  who's  particularly  anxious  to  be  presented  to 
you. 

Frank.    How  beautiful  she's  grown ! 

Angel.  (Aside.)  I'm  afraid  to  look  at  the  odious  creature! 
I'm  sure  he's  old  and  ugly ! 


DOlr'T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANOSa,  18' 

Frank.    My  dear  cousin ! 

Angel.  Eh?  Frank!  Oh,  I'm  so  delighted!  (^Giving  him 
both  her  hands  —  aside.)  Then  this  is  my  intended  husband  — 
O  Frank ! 

Major.  Ha!  ha!  ha!  But  I've  got  a  still  more  agreeable 
surprise  in  store  for  you,  my  dear.  Charley  —  Charley  will  be 
here  directly.     Ha !  ha !  ha ! 

Angel,     (r.)     Charley?    Oh,  yes,  I  know  who  you  mean. 

Major,  (c.)  Well,  I  should  rather  think  you  did,  considering 
he's  your  intended  husband. 

Angel.    My  husband  ?  Charley ! 

Major.    Why,  what's  the  matter-  with  you? 

Angel.  Me  ?  Nothing !  (^Aside  and  almoet  crying'.')  Here's  a 
dreadful  disappointment ! 

John.    (  Without.)    Oh,  dear !  oh,  dear ! 


Enter  John,  c.  from  l. 


Where's  master?  oh,  dear!  oh,  dear! 

Major.    What  the  devil's  the  matter  now? 

John.    Oh,  that  I  should  ever  live  to  tell  it  I 

Major.    Tell  it?  tell  what? 

John.  {To  Frank.)  Your  brother,  zur,  poor  young  gentle- 
man— 

Frank.    My  brother  —  speak !  what  has  happened  ? 

John.    Well,  zur,  as  he  was  riding  up  here  along  the  road  — 

Major.  Oh,  with  the  impatience  of  a  lover,  as  hard  as  he 
could  gallop  of  course  ?  eh?     {Looking  knowingl if  at  K^g^iatxk.) 

John.  No,  zur;  quite  a  jogglety,  jogglety,  comfortable  sort 
of  a  trot,  sir.    Oh,  dear !  oh,  dear ! 

Major.  {Furiously.)  Don't  make  such  an  infernal  bellow- 
ing. 

John.  Well,  zur,  all  of  a  sudden  what  should  he  see  come 
flying  over  the  hedge  but  the  piebald  pony,  with  Miss  Dl  on  his 
back !    Oh,  dear !  oh,  dear ! 

Major.    Well!  well! 

John.  And  before  he'd  time  to  get  out  ot  his  way,  the  piebald 
pony  comes  slap  against  him,  and  rolls  him  and  his  horse  over 
and  over.    Oh,  dear!  oh,  dear! 

Major.    Bless  me  —  where  —  where  is  he  ? 

John.    In  the  summer-house. 

Frank.    Let  me  fly  to  him.     {Rushes  out,  c.) 

Major.     (To  John.)     Run  for  the  doctor ! 

John.  Ees,  zur!  {Buns  out,  c.  and  l.)  (Angelina  sinks  in 
chair,  L.c.) 

Major.  {To  Angelina.)  My  poor  Angelina!  But  here''8 
Di! 


14  DON^T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES. 

Enter  Diana  hurriedly,  c.  from  l. 

Major.     (Crosses to  c.)     Well,  how's  poor  Charles? 

Diana,  (r.)  Better,  much  better,  I  am  happy  to  say.;  'tis  a 
very  slight  sprain  of  the  shoulder;  but  I  shudder  to  think  what  a 
serious  accident  my  folly  miglit  have  occasioned.  I'll  never  ride 
again  —  never!     (Trying  to  break  her  ichip.) 

Enttr  Frank,  c. 

Frank.  Ha!  ha!  you  needn't  put  that  poor  unhappy  little 
whip  of  yours  to  the  torture,  Cousin  Di;  Charles  will  be  all  right 
again  in  a  few  hours. 

Major.  Then  suppose  we  go  and  see  the  poor  fellow;  eh, 
Angelina? 

Diana.  Yes;  let's  go  and  see  the  poor  fellow.  (^Taking  the 
Major's  arm  and  pulling  him  towards  c.) 

Major.  No,  no,  not  you.  Miss  Madcap.  You  stop  with  Frank. 
After  live  years'  separation  it  isn't  improbable- you  may  have 
something  to  say  to  one  another,  eh?  (Knowingly,  and  winking 
at  her.) 

Diana.  (Aside,  and  pouting.)  I  don't  like  Angelina's  going 
to  nui'se  poor  dear  Charles  at  all !     (Goes  r.h.) 

Angel.  (Aside.)  It  isn't  at  all  pleasant  leaving  Diana  and 
Frank  together.     Charles  can't  possibly  want  me. 

Major.  Leave  Di  and  Frank  to  settle  their  own  affairs;  you 
go  and  cheer  up  poor  Charles.  (Angelina  tears  her  handkerchief 
with  rage.)  Holloa!  holloa!  what  are  you  tearing  your  hand- 
kerchief into  ever  so  many  pieces  for? 

Angel.  Tearing  it  —  am  I  ?  (Showing  handkerr.hief  all  in  tatters.) 

Major.  "Ami?"  It  looks  rather  ilke  it!  Oh,  I  see !  to  make 
bandages  for  poor  Charles'  shoulder — so  like  you.  See  how 
considerate  she  is.  So  come  along.  (To  AyGKi-iSA,  who  sulkily 
turns  her  back.)    Are  you  coming,  or  are  you  not? 

Diana.  (Hastily.)  Don't  you  see,  uncle,  she's  afraid  the  sight 
will  be  too  much  for  her  ?  You'd  better  let  me  go  instead  of  her. 
(Aboitt  to  run  of.) 

Major.  Stop  where  you  are.  Miss  Di.  Come  along,  my  dear. 
(To  Angemna,  and  tcfking  her  arm  under  his.)  Don't  you  see 
that  the  billing  and  cooing  can't  begin  till  we  are  gone?  Ha!  hal 
(Goes  out,  c,  dragging  Angelina  with  him,  who  keeps  looking 
anxiously  back  at  Diana  and  Frank.) 

Diana.     (Aside.)     He's  not  a  patch  upon  Charley.     (R.n.) 

Frank.     (Aside  —  l.)     Angelina's  worth  a  dozen  of  her. 

Diana.  (Aside.)  I'll  make  myself  so  disagreeable  —  I'll 
squint. 

Frank.  (Aside.)  I  suppose  I  ought  to  say  something  tender, 
but  I  don't  seem  to  care  about  it.     Ahem! 

Diana.    Umphl    (Without  looking  at  him.)    Well! 


DON^T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANCES:  15 

Diana.    Uraph!     {Without  looking  at  him.)     Well! 

Frank.  So  you  don't  mean  to  ride  any  more,  eh?  That's  a 
pity.  It  isn't  every  young  lady  who  can  take  a  pony  over  a 
hedge  like  you,  to  say  nothing  of  rolling  over  a  poor  inoffensive 
equestrian  into  the  bargain.     Ha!  ha! 

Diana.  (Shai-ply.)  I  don't  see  anything  to  laugh  at,  Frank, 
and  I  don't  like  being  quizzed. 

Frank.  Quizzed !  I'm  quite  serious !  there's  nothing  I  admire 
so  much  as  an  accomplished  dashiug  horsewoman.  Oh!  how 
delightful  it  will  be,  when  we  take  our  gallops  together !  You 
know  our  worthy  uncle's  intentions?;. 

Diana.  Oh,  yes !  I  know  my  fate,  and  I  hope  I  shall  meet  it 
with  becoming  resignation. 

Frank.     {Nettled.)    Resignation!    -Miss  Diana  Pepper! 

Diana.    Resignation !   Mr.  Francis  Topham ! 

Frank.  Oh !  then  I  presume  you're  not  frantically  attached  to 
me? 

Diana.    I  have  the  bad  taste  to  be  utterly  indifferent  to  you. 

Frank.    My  dear  Di !   I'm  the  happiest  fellow  alive ! 

Diana.  My  dear  Frank,  I'm  delighted  to  hear  you  say  so. 
{They  shake  hands  with  yreat  cordiality.) 

Frank.  Then  I  may  tell'  Uncle  Pepper  that  we  can  never  be 
man  and  wife? 

Diana.  Certainly !  and  that  my  only  reason  for  not  loving  you 
to  distraction  — 

Frank.    Is,  that  you  abominate  me  to  detestation? 

Diana.    Exactly ! 

Frank.    My  dear  Di,  give  me  a  kiss. 

Diana.    A  hundred,  if  you  like !    Recollect,  I  can't  endure  you. 

Frank.    Capital ! 

Diana.    I  hate  the  sight  of  you ! 

Frank.  Delightful !  {Kisses  I)i.)  Delicious !  And  now  hey 
for  Uncle  Pepper.  {Bunning  up  against  John,  who  enters  at  c. 
from  L.)  Get  out  of  the  way !  {Giving  him  two  or  three  lashes 
with  his  ivhip,  and  running  out,  c.) 

Diana.  Oh,  what  a  shame !  Poor  John !  and  did  that  naughty 
cousin  of  mine  hurt  your  shoulder?  {Soothingly.)  Perhaps  a 
glass  of  wine  will  do  you  good  ? 

John.  {Grinning.)  I  don't  know,  I'm  sure;  but  there  be  no 
harm  in  trying.  (Diana  pours  out  a  glass  of  loine  and  gives  it  to 
John,  who  drinks  it.) 

Diana,  (r.)  Tell  me,  John,  did  Cousin  Charles  seem  very 
much  delighted  when  he  first  saw  Angelina? 

John.     Well,  I  don't  remember! 

Diana.    But  try,  John;  I  particularly  wish  you  to  remember. 

John.  Do  you,  miss  ?  Perhaps  if  I  was  to  take  another  glass 
of  wine  — 

Diana.    Certainly,  help  yourself!     (John  tosses  off  another.) 

John.  Well,  then,  Master  Charles  didn't  seem  to  care  much 
about  it. 


16  DON^T  JUDGE  BY  APPEATtANCES. 

Diana.     {Delighted.)     And  what  did  he  say  to  her? 

John.  I  don't  exactly  recollect;  but  perhaps  if  I  was  to  take 
another  glass  of  wine.  {Drinks  another  glass.)  The  only  thing 
I  beard  him  say  to  Miss  Angelina  was  to  ask  her  where  you  were. 

Diana.     {Delighted.)    Yes!  yes! 

John.  And  every  time  the  door  of  the  summer-house  opened, 
he  looked  so  eager  at  it,  as  if  he  was  expecting  to  see  — 

Diana.     {Anxiously.)     Who?  who? 

John.  Well,  I  can't  say  for  certain;  but  perhaps  if  I  was  to 
take  another  glass  of  wine  —  (Diana  stops  Mm.)  As  if  he  was 
expecting  to  see  you  I 

Diana.  O  you  dear,  good  John!  (Mjvjor-  and  Angelina's 
voices  heard  disputing.) 

Diana.     What  can  the  matter  be? 

Angelina.  {  Without,  and  in  a  very  loud  and  angry  tone  of  voice.") 
It's  downright  tyranny,  and  I  won't  submit  to  it. 

Enter  Angelina,  c.  from  l.,  speaking. 

I  repeat,  I  won't  submit  to  it !  I  won't !  I  won't !  {Stamping 
her  feet,  R.) 

Diana.    My  dear  Angelina! 

Angel.    Don't  speak  to  me,  miss !     {Sharply,  crosses  to  l-h.) 

John.     Lor  —  Miss  Angelina! 

Angel.  Mind  your  own  business,  sir!  {Turning  sharply  on 
John,  arid  slapping  his  face,  loho  retreats  —  she  tcalks  up  c.) 

John.  {Aside.)  Hero  be  another  change !  Ecod !  we  should 
never  judge  by  appearances. 

Angel.  O  Diana,  forgive  me  for  speaking  so  crossly ;  but  I'm 
so  wretched  —  so  miserable ;  —  but  I  won't  have  him,  I'm 
determined ! 

Diana.     Have  him  !  have  who? 

Angel.  Cousin  Charles!  Uncle  says  I  shall, —  I  say  I  won'i/ 
No !   I'd  rather  —  I'd  rather  —  die  an  old  maid,  there ! 

John.     {Soothingly.)     But,  Miss  Angelina  — 

Angel.  {Angrily)  Hold  your  tongue,  you  horrid,  stupid, 
gawky,  ugly  creature ! 

Diana.    But,  Angelina,  let  us  reason  with  our  good  old  uncle. 

Angel.  He's  not  a  good  old  uncle !  he's  a  cruel,  hard-hearted, 
barbarous  tyrant !     ( Passionately  —  sits.) 

Diana.  {Round  in  front  to  her,  l.h.)  But  still  if  we  were  to 
argue  the  matter  with  him  calmly  and  respectfully  — 

Angel.  So  I  did  —  I  did  —  I  did !  I  told  him  I  wouldn't  marry 
a  man  I  didn't  love  fur  all  the  uncles  in  the  universe,  and  I 
won't — I  won't!  Oh!  I'm  in  such  a  passion,  I  should  like  to 
beat  somebody.     {Slaps  table.) 

Diana.  Why  is  this,  Angelina?  Not  an  hour  ago  you  were  all 
gentleness  —  submission  and  gentleness. 

Angel.  Why?  why?  because  an  hour  ago  I  didn't  know  I  had 
a  temper  and  a  spirit  of  my  own!  but  I  find  I  have;  and  what's 


DON^T  JUDGE  BY  APPEARANVES.  17 

more,  I'll  let  everybody  know  it !     I'll  let  my  uncle  know  it  I  and 
if  I  marry  Charles,  I'll  let  him  know  it.     (Marching  rapidly,  r.h.) 

Diana.     (Tb  Joiix.)     What  do  you  think  of  ffeis,  John? 

John.    I  don't  exactly  know  what  to  think  on't;  but  perhaps 
if  I  was  to  take  another  glass  of  wine  —  {About  to  help  himself.) 

Major.     {Without.)     Well,  what  oext,  I  wonder? 
Enter  Major,  hurriedly,  c.  from  l. 
I  repeat,  what  next,  I  wonder?    So,  Miss  Di  —  you've  actually 
had  the  cruelty  to  tell  poor  Frank  that  you  abominate  him  to 
detestation  ? 

Diana.    My  dear  uncle  — 
v   Major.    Poo!   poo!  don't  dear  uncle  me!    (To   Angelina.) 
And  you,  too.  Miss  Angelina,  there's  poor  Charles  crying  out  for 
his  barley-water,  and  there's  nobody  to  give  it  to  him. 

Angel.    Give  it  to  him  yourself!     (Abruptly.) 

Major.  (Staggers,  L.u.)  Why,  you  good-for-nothing,  mutinous 
little  rebel, —  Holloa!  (Seeing  Diana  running  out,  c.)  Where 
the  deuce  are  you  going  to? 

Diana.  (As  she'  runs  out.)  To  give  poor  Charley  his  barley- 
water.     (Buns  out  c.  and  l.) 

.,  Major.    Poo !  poo !  stop  —  stop  1     (Buns  out  after  her  at  the  top 
of  his  speed. ) 

Angel.    John! 

John.    Ees,  miss ! 

Angel.    My  good  John, —  my  dear  John ! 

John.    (Asi&.)    Here  be  another  change ! 

Angel.  (Kindly.)  You  know  what  a  kind,  indulgent,  mistress 
I  have  been,  John.    Don't  you-,  John?     (Angrily.) 

John.    Ees,  miss.     (Frightened.) 

Angel.  (Pathetically.)  You  wouldn't  —  you  couldn't  see  me 
die  of  a  broken  heart,  John?     (Passionately.)     Could  you,  John? 

John.     (Whimpering.)    No,  miss! 

Angel.  You'll  help  me  to  raa^e  my  escape,  won't  you?  You'll 
take  me  to  London,  to  my  dear  old  Aunt  Miller,  eh,  John !  (  Very 
angrily.)     Eh,  John ! 

Frank  eMers  behind,  c.  from  l.,  and  listens. 
She'll  never  suffer  me  to  be  married  to  a  man  I  don't  love,  when 
there's  another  I  do  love  with  my  whole  heart. 

John.     Lor,  miss  —  who? 

Angel.  It's  my  dear— dear  Cousin  Frank  I  love?  O  John, 
is  he  handsome? 

John.  (Seeing  Frank  behind  —  who  holds  out  his  whip  in  one 
hand  and  a  purse  in  the  other.)     Ees,  miss ! 

Angel.    And  so  gentle  —  so  good-tempered  —  so  amiable ! 

John.  (  With  another  look  at  Frank's  purse  and  whip.)  Ees, 
miss. 

Angel.  And  then,  John  —  I  hope  —  I  mean  —  I  think  he  loves 
me. 


18  don't  judge   by  APl'EARANCES. 

Frank.  {Flinging  purse  to  John,  and  coming  hastily  forward.) 
I'm  sure  he  does,  dearly  and  devotedly  loves  you,  my  sweet 
Cousin  Angelina! 

Angel.    O  Frank,  what  will  Uncle  Pepper  say? 

Frank.     Whatever  Uncle  Pepper  likes ! 

Diana  runs  in,  c.  from  l. 

Diana.  O  Angelina !  —  O  Frank  I  Here  comes  Uncle  Pep- 
per, and  in  such  a  passion;  Charles  swears  he  won't  marry 
you.     ( To  Angelina.) 

Angel.    And  I  swear  I  won't  marry  Charles ! 

Diana.    And  I  declare  I  won't  marry  you.     (To  Frank.) 

Fi-ank.    And  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  marry  you.     {To  Diana.) 

Major.     (  Without.)    Where  are  they  —  where  are  they? 

Diana.  ^ 

Angel.  >   O  lud !    {Each  trying  to  push  the  other  forward.') 

FYank.  3 

Enter  Ma  JOR  follotced  by  John,  c.  from  l. 

Major.  So  —  here  you  are  —  you  good-for-nothing,  mutinous 
rebels. 

Diana.  ^ 

Angel.  >   My  dear  uncle! 

Frank.  3 

Major.  Poo !  poo !  Hang  me  if  I  can  tell  what's  come  to  you 
all, —  why,  even  Charles  —  the  quiet,  gentle  Charles,  —  when  I 
oflered  him  his  barley-water  just  now,  chucked  it  out  of  the 
window,  jug  and  all,  and  swore  he  wouldn't  take  it  from  any 
other  hands  than  those  of  his  dear  darling  cousin  Di's ! 

Frank.    Ha!  ha!  bravo,  Charley ! 

Diana.    Yos !  bravo,  Charley ! 

Major.  Hold  your  tongue!  Ha!  ha!  a  very  likely  matter, 
indeed,  that  I  am  going  to  see  my  plan  of  the  campaign  upset 
by  a  parcel  of  boys  and  girls. 

John.  {Aside.)  Ecod,  I  begin  to  think  the  young  'uus  be  the 
best  generals  after  all. 

Angd.  {Crossing  to  Major.)  I'm  very  sorry,  uncle,  but  if  I 
marry  at  all,  it  shall  be  with  Frank,  and  Frank  only ! 

Frank.    And  Frank  only  —  stick  to  that,  cousin ! 

Diana,  (l.c.)  In  that  case,  uncle,  of  course  I  must  try  and 
make  myself  happy  with  Charley. 

Major.  Eh !  {Looking  alternately  at  the  others.)  Well,  as  I 
seem  to  lie  in  a  glorious  minority  of  one,  I  suppose  I'd  better 
give  my  consent.  {General  joy.)  But  depend  upon  it  you  are 
all  wrong,  as  you  will  And  out  when  it's  too  late  to  repent. 

Angel.     Repent !  with  Frank?     {Affectioiiatehj  to  Frahk.) 

Frank.     With  Angelina!     (Tenderly  to  A^gklisa.) 

Diana.    With  Charley !     {Enthusiabtically.) 

Major.     {Drawing  them  to  him,  and  then  knowingly.)    "Don't 
Judge  by  Appeauancks." 

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Ko.  32.   THK     CHIUSTE^'LX*;.     A 

Farce  in  One  Act.  Uy  .J.  IJ.  | 
Buckstone.  5  Male,  li  Koinnle  i 
chap.  ' 

"    33.   A  RACE   FOR   A   WIDOUV 

A  Farce  in  One  Act.  Uy  i'lios. 
J.  Williams. _  .'>  Male,  4  Fiiiialc 
char. 

"    .34.    TOUR     LIFES     IX     I>.\JV 

GER.    A    Farce  in    One  Act. 

Uy  J.  M.  Morton.  3  JIale. :!  Fe- 
male cliar. 

"     35.   TRUE    UjVTO    DEATH.      A 

Urama  in  Two  Acts.  15y  .J. 
Sheridan  Knowles.  (i  Male,  2 
Female  char. 

"    .3C.  I>IAM03fl>  CUT  l>IAMO."V». 

An  Interlude  in  One  Act.  Hv 
W.  H.  .Murray.  10  JIale,  1  F."- 
male  char. 

"     37.   LOOK     AFTER     BROTI'A 

A  Farce  in  One  Act.  Jiy  Geo.  A 
Stuait,  M.D.  6  Male,  I  Female  ch 

"  38.  M03fSEIG;VEUR.  A  Dram.-, 
in  Three  Acts.  By  Thoni.as  Ar- 
cher.    15  3Iale,  3  Female  char. 

"  39.  A  VERT  PtEASAJVT  EVE 
iVIAG.  A  Farce  in  One  Act. 
By  W.  E.  Suter.    3  Male  char. 

"  40.  BROTHER  KEIV.  A  Farce 
in  One  Act.  By  J.  M.  Morton. 
3  Male,  3  Female  char. 

"  41.  OIVXiT  A  Ct,OI>.  A  Comic 
Drama  in  One  Act.  By  J.  P. 
Simpson.    4  Male,  1  Female  cli. 

"    42.   GASPARDO  THE  GOIVDO- 

rilER.  A  Drama  in  Three  Acts. 
By  Geo.  Ahnar.  10  Male,  2  Fe- 
male char. 

"  43.  SUASHIjVE  through 
THE  CtiOUDS.  A  Drama 
in  One  Act.  By  Slingsby  Law- 
rence.    3  Male,  3  Female  char. 

"    44.   I>OA''T     JUDGE      BT     AP 

PEARAACES.  A  Farce  in 
One  Act.  By  J.  M.  Morton.  3 
Male,  2  Female  char. 

"     45.   AURSET  CHICK^TEED.    A  | 

Farce  in  One  Act.  By  T.  .).| 
Williams.    4  Male,  L'  Female  eh. 

"    46.  MART    3IOO :     or,     ITliich  1 

shall  I  I>Iarry .'  A  Farce  in  1 
One  Act.  By  W.  E.  Suter.  2 ' 
Male,  1  Female  char.  I 


CHARLES  H.SPENCER,  203  Washington  St.,  Boston, 
ptjbjl,ish:ee,. 


THE  AMATEUR  DRAMA. 

A  COLI.KCTIOK   OF 

^k^tt  Iramas  antr  MnxttB, 

SL'iTEP   TO 

^  Private  Theatricals,  Exhibitions,  &c. 


1 


JVo.  1. 
No.  2. 
No.  3. 
No.  4. 
No.  5. 
No.  a. 
No.  7. 
No.  8. 
No.  9. 
No.  10. 
No.  11. 
No.  12. 
No.  13. 
No.  14. 
No.  15. 
No.  16. 
No.  17. 
No.  18. 
No.  19. 
No.  20. 
No.  21. 
No.  22. 
No.  23. 
No.  21. 


Stand  hi/  the  Flag.    A  Drama, 
Wanted  a  Male  Cook.    A  Faroe. 
The  Tempter.    A  Dmma. 
A  Sea  of  Troubles.     A  Farce. 
The  Greatest  Plague  of  Life.     A  Farce. 
We  're  All   Tetotallers.    A  Farce. 
Sylvia's  Soldier.    A  Comedy  in  2  Acta. 
A  Drop   Too   Much.     A  Farce. 
The  Freedom  of  the  Press.    A  Farce. 
The  Sculptor's  Triumph.  A  National  Allegory. 
The  Peddler  of  Verynice.     A  Burlesque. 
Once  on  a  Time,     a  Domestic  Drama.     2  Acts. 
The  Great  Elixir.    A  Farce. 
My    Uncle  the   Captain.     A  Farce. 
Bread  on  the  Waters.    A  Drama.    2  Acts, 
Humors  of  the  Strike.    A  Farce. 
No  Cure,  No  Pay.     A  Farce. 
Down  hy  the  Sea.    A  Drama.    2  Acts. 
The  3Ian  with  the  Demijohn.    A  Fare*. 
An  Original  Idea.    A  Duologue.  '-'-I't 

Too  Late  for  the  Train.    A  Duologue. 
Capuletta.    A  Burlesque. 
A  Close  Shave.    A  F'arce. 
A  Grecian  Bend.    A  Farce. 


Addrbss  all  Oroeks  to 

CHAS.  H.  SPENCER,  203  Washington  St. 


